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Crossed Eyes And Mixed Motives

by Damfino

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1.
Incontinent Nostalgia 02:27
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I catch a glimpse of your shadow climbing the stairs But when I turn to face it, there's someone else there Soft and conspiratorial, you speak to me in my dreams But when I wake the only sound is the wind in the trees You've left a vacuum behind everywhere that you've been I feel your absence every day like a cold gust of wind Of all of the things that I've been thinking of The only ones stronger than death are memory and love What once had been joyful memories Are now just a source of torment to me There's no way of telling what the triggers will be That will set off the flood that will overcome me The parade of memories rushing up all comprise a sad revue Of all the things that keep coming back It seems the only thing that isn't coming back is you
2.
Monogamous Doesn't Mean One at a Time 00:27
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3.
I'm the Fucking Idiot 02:39
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The sun won't come up, everything's been confused So standing here facing east is of no use If I'd have seen it coming I might have known what to do I'd have done anything in my power just to see it through But the way things unfolded it was impossible that One could make it on through with a heart still intact You said there was another, I never would have thought that of you I'm the fucking idiot who put his trust in you We stood side by side in an Orangeburg hall Declaring our love before one and all With vows we swore the world would never undo I'm the fucking idiot who put his trust in you
4.
Two Shits that Pass in the Night 02:21
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Your idea of commitment applies to nothing but sin When it's clear that your devotion has all the depth of stamped tin Silence when there should have been a cacophonous din If you sensed there was a problem, you'd think you'd have clued me in Love is a lack of regard Honor is travail Cherish- abandonment When all your wedding vows amount to are bullshit When you first came to terms with what we were in danger of I'd like to know what it was that you did to save our love If leaving me was something that you felt you had to do Then why couldn't you leave me before seeing someone new? Love is a lack of regard Honor is travail Cherish- abandonment When all your wedding vows amount to are bullshit
5.
I Shatter 03:34
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6.
Jealousy Rides With Me 01:54
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7.
Crossed Eyes and Mixed Motives 01:34
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Disjointed, like a soul turned sideways Away from the vows that bound us Once made, then deemed not worth keeping I can't comprehend your willful disregard and all that it entails I try but words just fail Some answers, I know i'll never have However long I try to find them How did we get from being so in love- The understanding times, the trust complete, The laughter, the warmth, the kids To ending up like this?
8.
Crepuscular Love 00:59
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9.
Heaven Underfoot 02:22
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You can't hear my heart, quiet as ashes falling Not like at the start, we were eagles soaring A callous step once undertaken came to bear Obdurate on the one who least deserved to feel it there There were no words to give voice to what went on inside The saddest thing I'd ever seen was the look in our boy's eyes From strength to strength through it all we flew Convinced that we'd always be me and you But there is one thing that I can't see If it meant as much to you, how could you trample on this? You can't hear my heart, quiet as ashes falling Not like at the start, we were eagles soaring What'll I tell our boy, when he asks where the love went? This is what it means to be painfully, a parent
10.
Who the Hell are You and what did You do with My Wife? 02:05
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You are not her You are not her Who the hell are you and what did you do with my wife? It was a wondrous confluence Beneath the gunpowder and sky As we declared our dependence The kids laughed and played, 4th of July I had the feeling that I'd finally arrived Finding my home in your eyes One brilliant February morning We held a miracle in our arms Everything we'd shared together Was now breathing, alive and warm A depth of feeling that i couldn't hide Convinced that I'd always be by your side An amount of joy I'd never known there could be That's what you meant to me Goodbye, Lizzie
11.
Holocaust / Like the Columbine We Bow Our Heads in the Rain 04:02
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( Columbine) Virgil, I need a drink I've never felt it this dark before I can't find my way home anymore I just want this black, fucking soul crushing pain To stop
12.
The Noose, the Note and Me 00:57
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13.
The Distance Between Men and Women 02:48
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I close my mouth and then I open my eyes I want see you as you are, so take off your disguise I'm not surprised The embarrassed egos that we forge in our pain Make mortal masks that we must wear because our souls are plain It leaves me drained The distance between men and women The counterrevolutions we live in The trials and errors of sharing The casualties of caring I close my eyes and then I open my heart I want to love you and be loved, but that was not too smart We're worlds apart The superficial satellites that we are Motion in distance so we feel closer to the stars Like men from Mars The distance between men and women The counterrevolutions we live in The trials and errors of sharing The casualties of caring I close my heart and then I open my mouth I wasn't planning to say much and then this song came out It's born from doubt Embattled bureaucrats, we red tape our lives Make tired statements and languish in our lies And we don't try The distance between men and women The counterrevolutions we live in The trials and errors of sharing The casualties of caring
14.
The Naked Drive Home 03:26
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February found us heading south with all due speed We went to work together in The Rhythm of the Sea Everything that came between us,every obstacle we could see Was washed away, piece by piece Until all that was left was you and me August was a furnace that incinerated lives Fueled by degradation, heartless petulance and lies Everything that I held dear I watched go up in smoke Staring at the embers with no idea of where to go Where is my home?

about

This album's origins can be traced to a conversation at my sister's apartment some time ago. I'd called a family meeting to break the news to sister Cindi and brother Bill that my wife was leaving me.It was an emotional night and perhaps strangely appropriate that a civil war documentary was playing on the television in the background. At one point in the documentary the narrator referred to Union general Benjamin Butler as "A man of crossed eyes and mixed motives". Something about the line jumped out and got my attention. For months, music had ceased to be important to me. All I could think about was trying to save my marriage. I didn't listen to music or write music. The guitar might as well have been a piece of furniture. Now, for the first time in ages, I felt the urge to write. I said,"Crossed eyes and mixed motives... there's a song there... there might be an album there." to which Cindi exclaimed,'LET THE HEALING BEGIN!!!" and it did.
Fast forward to the present. As I sit here with the finished album before me, I'd be remiss not to take a moment to give thanks. To Cindi and Bill- everyone should be so lucky to have such siblings, to my Damfino compatriot Joel Bachrach for convincing me that I wasn't just writing these songs for therapy, that there was an album that had to be made, to Joel, Marc Garella, Oliver Ignatius and Tom Shad for making the songs come alive, to Oliver for producing the last 2 we recorded and mastering the bunch, to countless friends, some lifelong some brand new , who offered encouragement at times when it was most needed. Your support means more than I can put into words. I'll borrow a line from Big Star's 3rd- and say from the bottom of my heart, without the slightest trepidation- thank you friends, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.
Joe Merklee
Dumont, New Jersey
April 2015

credits

released April 28, 2015

Produced by Damfino at Superbia and Chestnut Avenue except "Heaven" and "Hell" produced by Oliver Ignatius at Mama Coco's Funky Kitchen
Mastered by Oliver Ignatius at Mama Coco's Funky Kitchen

Joel Bachrach- piano, organ, percussion and vocals
Marc Garella- drums
Oliver Ignatius- drums on "Heaven", drums, bass and electric guitar on"Hell"
Joe Merklee-guitars, mellotron, harmonium, bass, bass harmonica, E-bow and vocals
Tom Shad- bass on "Heaven"

Artwork by #9 Graphics
MRI courtesy of Joe's heart

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Damfino Dumont, New Jersey

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